Tucson - where it's not a weekday without a 9am murder

Southern Arizona is a very interesting place...and by interesting I mean poor and by poor I mean dangerous. Forget all the National Geographic hazards that await your every turn. Scorpions, Javalinas [HAV-A-LEEN-AS] (blind jawed pigs from hell), Rattlesnakes and various other venom riddled creatures...you also have socio-economic dangers that I was not ready for.

Tucson is divided up into two parts, the north side which is you're various senior citizen communities and meth making trailer parks and your south side which is your Mexican barrios and your meth making trailer parks. So naturally, it only makes sense that there should be rival gangs from each area. From Northern Tucson you have the Nortenos* and from the South you have your Surrenos*. Now, generally, these gangs don't start random acts of violence unless you're carrying large amount of drugs on you. Or you're alone at night, or you look like you're not a professional MMA fighter. But they will start violent acts against each other ANYTIME they see another another rival gang member...so let me tell you where I come into play.

Clear Channel Media + Entertainment Tucson is located at the corner of Poverty Rd and Gang Blvd in a STRIP MALL...next to the WELFARE OFFICE...is this coming together now?? So, every weekday morning...some schmuck from the Nortenos is waitin to get they child support moneys in and some other yahoo from the Surrenos is there waitin for they disabiliteez and BANG..shooting...in my work parking lot...at 9:00AM PST. My goal is to one day star on HBO...not be CNN front page news.

"And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals. "

*The Surrenos and Nortenos: