I Thought It Got Better?

In elementary school, I was always the kid that got picked on at the monkey bars and when I would go home and cry my mom used to tell me...don't worry it gets better.

In middle school, I used to have to borrow an extra uniform from the nurse because mine would get bloody from getting beat up and I didn't want my parents to know and the nurse used to tell me...don't worry it gets better.

In high school, my sister would fight my battles and defend me against kids who wouldn't touch the same paper I was touching because they were afraid they would "catch the gay" and when we were driving home from school she would tell me...don't worry it gets better.

In college I moved to London and fought with myself to come out and become the person I was destined to be. During those hard times of finding my voice and seeing my potential my friend Christine would tell me...don't worry it gets better.

Then, I became Glitter, an indestructible ray of light that shined and danced and brought smiles wherever I would go. I wore funny outfits and strange make-up but my positivity was real and my message to those who were dealing with bullying and adversity was so simple: Don't Worry...It Gets Better.

But now I'm here, my back to the wall, the glitter washed away with tears and the bullies don't wear uniforms anymore ... they now wear suits. They don't have backpacks, they have business cards. They aren't stopping you from playing kickball...they're stopping you from living. You're in the business where "The Show Must Go On" but at what cost? When do you stop fearing you won't achieve fame and start fearing you won't achieve tomorrow? There are no teachers, no moms or sisters or anyone to tell you it gets better...so why should I think it to be true? Am I just repeating what I have been told because I don't want kids to grow up in fear? I'll be honest...I've never been more scared than I am right now.